Today I Am…. Me

This week has been extremely interesting for multiple reasons some good some bad.

J (my youngest) had to have a Covid test on Friday evening due to a new and persistent cough. I had no idea that in the UK parents have to administer the test to children under 11. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience for a mum. His test was thank fully negative and by today his cough seems to have been replaced with buckets of snot 🤢. Which means I can hear him snoring through the walls but as least he is safe.

Today I am meeting A (Ns new partner), I thought I would be nervous about this first meeting but I’m surprisingly very calm. I thought about researching and planning what I would like to ask her, but in my usual style I think I’m just going to wing it 😂. According to N, A is really nervous about meeting me and I can understand her concerns. It was only a few weeks ago I messaged her telling her the truth about Ns behaviour and cheating. They seem in a much better place now but that could also be due to the fact that I’ve cut N out of my life completely so he has no other option. Today my main aim is to find out who my children are going to be spending time with. N has asked that I play nice, this comment riles me up more than it should and he knows it. I was with this man/🍆 head for nearly 7 years. He has never seen me not be nice to a person I have just met. I think he likes to think of me as a bit of a bitch and he has most definitely added to As anxiety by making me out to be an awful person. Here is my list of do’s and don’ts for meeting your ex’s new partner.

DO NOT mention the following:

  • THE CHEATING TEXT
  • HER AND Ns RELATIONSHIP
  • MINE AND Ns MARRIAGE
  • ANYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE

DO mention the following:

  • The children.
  • Get to know her a little better – what does she do for work? etc
  • My mobile number – so she knows that she can approach me about anything to do with the children

It might be a short conversation but I will have kept my side of the bargain and stuck to the parenting plan. Who knows we might hit it off and end up spending most of the afternoon together. 🤷🤣

The most entertaining news I have had this week started on Monday. I’m still signed up to dating websites and occasionally pick up my phone and search around for some hot men. Knowing full well I will never meet them. However on Monday one person caught my eye. His first message to me was “what do you think of findom and FLRs?” I have to confess I had to do a Google search for both of these terms. Findom = Financial domination. FLR= Female Led Relationship. I decided to play along, what else have I got to do as a single parent in Covid-19 tier 3 restrictions? This man wanted me to financially dominate him tell him where and when he should be spending his money. Which includes demanding money for my own gain. Pay for my food, my drinks, treat myself etc. This part was pretty new to me but the one thing I did enjoy reading about was female led relationships.

A female-led relationship (FLR) is simply the one whereby a female takes the charge and calls the shots for the well-being of the relationship. This breaks the stereotypical notion that men should always lead and dominate. A female-led relationship is a traditional relationship but with the gender roles reversed.

There’s something quite empowering to me about FLRs especially where I am at this moment in time with my divorce journey. N always dominated our marriage and relationship but that’s because of his need to be the centre of attention. Mine and Ns issues were based around the need for him to control and focus everything upon him which I wasn’t going to do because my children came first. Maybe it wasn’t to do with the arguments we had, maybe this was about who had the power and control in our relationship?

Somewhere in my brain FLRs really resonated and I still can’t shake it. At this moment in time I have a great career, I make all of the decisions about my house, my children, money and myself. I’ve said that my standards are higher for me to consider beginning another relationship with someone. Maybe what I need to look further into is a relationship where I take charge.

So yes, this man on the dating website had my attention. We have chatted online about lots of things over the past 6 days (usually by now I would have lost interest in just chatting to one person). The best thing so far without a doubt is that I’ve not had to filter what I’ve said. Not once have I thought ‘oh well I can’t say that to him’ I’m trying to impress him and to go out on a date eventually etc. I’ve said and done, whatever I have chosen. Maybe I need to call the shots from now on? Maybe it’s just a different mindset for me?

I’m going to explore it. The generous contribution I demanded for my take out food on Friday was also muchly appreciated 👿.

Speak soon

S

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