Today I Am…. Waiting

When talking to a friend last week he made a comment that I was currently in limbo (he also called it dithering but I prefer limbo because it doesn’t make me sound quite as old πŸ˜‚). I’d not really realised that I was, but I’m waiting:

  • waiting to hear about the divorce (more on that later!)
  • waiting for life to get back to normal
  • waiting for schools to reopen
  • waiting to buy a house
  • waiting for N to get into parenting
  • waiting to see if me and the kids can go away in summer
  • waiting to move forward with my life

What I am not waiting for is a relationship. A few weeks ago I wrote about someone I had been chatting to and quite honestly I’ve lost interest in waiting for him to get his shit together.

What this guy actually did was…….give me back was my confidence. Confidence in the standards and values I hold. Confidence that I’m still attractive to someone of the opposite sex. Confidence to say FUCK YOU (nicely of course!) and walk away when it doesn’t feel right. The confidence to admit that I actually do not want to be in a typical relationship.

My shit is together; I’m financially stable, I have a professional job, I’m over my ex and I’m happy enough on my own. E is constantly asking when someone else will move in with us, so that I can be happy?! My response to E always is: “NEVER!! πŸ˜‚. I am happy, just me, you and your brother”. I don’t think she really believes me because she sees how happy for dad is now (maybe that should say – for nowπŸ˜‰). Hopefully one day E will realise that I’ve done things the right way and actually I don’t need a relationship to make me happy and that in the future she doesn’t either.

I didn’t find someone else to help me move on from my ex, like I have done millions of times in the past. It’s taken me 34 years to realise that I don’t need anyone next to me to be happy. In one way this makes me feel like a kick ass woman (move over BeyoncΓ©), in another it makes me incredibly sad that actually for the past 10-15 years of my life I haven’t known who I am and that I thought I was happy.

I think the waiting might nearly be over 🀞

Yesterday I had confirmation that the financial side of the divorce had been agreed and signed by a Judge. The only thing to do now is to press one button online and the divorce will be finalised. I’ve pressed it, I’ve pressed the button already πŸ₯³ πŸŽ‰ πŸŽ‰ No more waiting thank you!

I thought I might feel something after clicking the button but I don’t.

The only thing to wait for now is BoJo and his road map tomorrow out of lockdown. PLEASE let the children go back to school on the 8th March (for my own sanity 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷) and so they can start to heal from all of this bollocks, to be with their friends who they are desperately missing.

I have to dash I’ve got a housing market to search.

Speak soon

S

x

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