Today I Am…. Niche

I’ve been away on holiday with the kids for the past two weeks and with the additional head space I’ve been thinking about lots of content for my supposed book.

Today I want to write about dating personas/stereotypes.

A few months ago I was starting to think that I only attract a certain type of man to date. I wanted to get out of that cycle. It’s not been very successful in the past 🤷‍♀️ 😂 Originally I thought this was because I have a clear type that im attracted to. Dark hair, dark eyes, strong jaw line, sometimes a bit pretty looking and seems confident (probably slightly narcissistic!!!) So I decided to mix things up on the dating website….. not swiping right on my usual type. And guess what?! It’s made no difference.

  1. I still regularly get called babe or sexy. I didn’t realise this is actually one of my pet hates and is not a compliment in my eyes. And those men go straight to the deleted section of my dating profile 😂 some of them I don’t even bother responding to. But others I do pick their brains about their choice of wording but usually I don’t get a response and just get blocked because I’ve had the audacity to call them out 😡 Part of me thinks it’s because they don’t have to remember my name 😜 but I do not wish to be compared to a talking pig (if you do not get this reference then I apologize 😂 or you are far too young to know what I’m talking about)
  2. Men assume that because you look a certain way that you are intelectually challenged. That women can’t possibly look put together and hold down a stimulating job which requires brain cells. Is this also linked to some caveman like parts of the brain where women should be in the kitchen or sit looking pretty for a man? I have far more to give than just a pretty face 😇
  3. I’m continually asked within the space of one or two messages. “do you want to come over and chill?” OF COURSE I WANT TO GO TO A RANDOM PERSONS HOUSE WHO I DO NOT KNOW AND SPEND TIME CHILLING WITH SOMEONE WHO MAY BE A SERIAL KILLER. Yes I watch far too many real crime documentaries. But these things happen. Where has respect gone? What has happened to trying to impress a women so she will give you the time of day etc. Maybe I’m holding out for something that doesn’t exist anymore. Maybe all of the men are damaged from previous relationships or just think that ”chilling’ with people is how dating works now? I want to go out on an actual date and have fun and have deep conversations about anything. Not sat in top of some random dick within 24 hours. Although if I want that then it’s clear it’s pretty easy to find 🙂

So these three things got me thinking. What if it isn’t about then men but about me. Hear me out, I think there might be a point to this. The way that dating profiles work is on looks. Yes it’s fickle but I understand there has to be an attraction to the person you date, so I will let that one slide for now.

What if dating also works on stereotypes. I will try and give you an example. If you are an educated women who has a professional job and you talk about your accomplishments either on your dating profile or during a date. Is this seen as intimating to the opposite sex? Does this mean that you don’t have any other aspects of your personality? That you can’t be sexy or hot or caring or hilariously funny if you are educated?

Or if are you passionate about working within your community and volunteer on a regular basis….. Does this in fact signal to men that you are a push over?

Do women who look ‘hot’ only want to be treated like a piece of meat by men?

Do women who have a niche about them (and show this to the outside world) unknowingly destroy their dating chances?

Let’s try this theory on me and this might make more sense. Like I said when I blogged a few weeks ago. Writing books equals write about what you know. I know about sex. Or how to be sexy (I think 😂) writing this now seems extremely big headed but it’s not intentional….promise

I think the point I am trying to make is. I work full time in a professional job, I have two children, I have amazing friends, I sometimes work out, I like exploring new places, eating out and drinking wine etc etc but do none of these things matter when talking to men because that’s what my niche is? Without even typing anything to do with sex? Does the way my picture looks or how I word messages or talk in voice notes signal that this is my speciality? Is that what I subconsciously fall back on when interacting with the opposite sex? Is that why I’m getting no where with dating? Because I’m now looking for more than a sexual connection?

Is there more to life/dating than sex? If it’s shit sex then the answer is definitely yes there is 😂

Speak soon

S

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